Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Randomize
