if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
