got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
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