I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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