I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
