I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
