Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Randomize
