Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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