Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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