Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
