Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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