Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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