Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
