god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
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