I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
