You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
