you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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