One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Randomize
