At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
