My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
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