Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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