Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
