1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
