My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Randomize
