I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Randomize
