He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
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