Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
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