I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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