i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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