before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
