Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
