You're completely useless in the revolution.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Be still, my beating vagina.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Randomize
