I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
he just fucked me for my cheese..
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