It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
