Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
