you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
It's rum buckets o'clock
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
