True but thats because hes a fetus.
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
