I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Randomize
