we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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