His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
