umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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