why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Randomize
