Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Randomize
