i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Randomize
