Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Randomize
