She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
