you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
