addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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