I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I love you. Go after that dick
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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