we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Randomize
