Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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