Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
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